


objectivity is only skin-deep

by aetherae



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Community: 31_days, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:52:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4795019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aetherae/pseuds/aetherae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sleep doesn’t happen much for Estelle. Not anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	objectivity is only skin-deep

**Author's Note:**

> x-posted from tumblr, a few minor edits. “you never get tired of estelle and trauma do you“ literally what i wrote down to remind myself of what i wanted to do for this theme. idk if that's helpful or sad.

> **6\. a symptom of insomnia**

She doesn’t sleep well anymore.

Estelle tries to sleep, really she does. She tosses and turns in her bedroll, listens to the quiet breathing of Rita and Judith by her side in an attempt to sync her own breathing with theirs, but more often than not, she’s still staring at the ceiling of their tent eyes wide open and well past the crack of dawn. Sometimes all she wants to do is pace around their campsite, or practice sword strokes until she gets tired enough to attempt sleep. It’s hard to do that inconspicuously when there’s always at least one of them on watch. Even during the times when it’s her turn to watch, none of the pacing or practicing helps.

It’s worse at an inn. When they’re camping, they don’t have the luxury to be spread out and at ease, but it’s something Estelle has come to treasure. She never thought she could miss physical touch so much until they rested at an inn again, the room big enough for each of them to have their own bed. It should be comfortable and relaxing, but she absolutely hates it. Those are the nights she hardly sleeps at all, and even when she manages a few precious hours, she often finds herself waking up with a scream half-choked in her throat as she frantically wipes her hands on the sheets, desperately trying to confirm that it’s merely sweat on her hands and not blood.

The others never mention it, but she thinks they must know that if she does happen to fall asleep, whether from exhaustion or something else, it’s better not to move her until she wakes up. She imagines that Flynn must have told them. Three days after the top of the Sword Stair, Estelle woke up in her bed at Zaphias Castle—and promptly screamed. Opening her eyes to a place she had no memory of going to was too—too _familiar_ , and it took Flynn bursting in with the Schwann Brigade thinking she was under attack for her to realize that no, she was fine, she was safe.

Thinking about it, it was silly. Even without the walls of Zaphias Castle, Estelle knows that she’s well-protected. That she’s safe. On the nights where the air is warm enough to not need a tent, where she can see everyone’s face as they peacefully sleep the night away, she knows objectively that she’s safe. Her friends all went through hell for her, and they’d do it all again if she had to. There’s no reason not to feel safe after that.

She just wishes her heart would believe it, too.


End file.
